Stop comparing yourself to other women
Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Women
Why your boudoir photoshoot isn’t about looking like somebody else...
How many times have you looked at another woman and thought: I wish I looked like that.
Her waist is smaller.
Her legs are longer.
Her skin is smoother.
She looks effortlessly confident.
She seems to have something you don’t.
And then, almost without noticing, you start comparing her best photograph with your everyday self. It’s something so many women do. I do it too. We compare ourselves to other women, to photographs online, to celebrities, to women ten years younger than us, to how we looked before having children, before menopause, before life happened.
And social media has made it incredibly easy to forget one very important thing:
You are comparing your real life to somebody else’s carefully chosen image.
There is no such thing as the “perfect” woman.
You see a beautiful photograph and immediately notice what you think she has that you don’t.
But here’s the thing. That woman probably had exactly the same thoughts before her shoot. She may have worried about her stomach.
Her arms.
Her thighs.
Her breasts.
Her scars.
Her age.
Her cellulite.
Her weight.
She may have stood in front of the mirror that morning and seen every single thing she wanted to change. And then they see their photographs. Suddenly, they’re not looking at the tiny things they were worrying about. They’re seeing themselves. And that’s a very different experience.
Your body doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.
Boudoir photography shouldn’t be about squeezing yourself into somebody else’s idea of what is beautiful. It’s not about becoming slimmer. It’s not about looking twenty-five. It’s not about having the same body shape as the woman whose photograph you saved on Pinterest. And it certainly isn’t about trying to recreate somebody else’s photographs. Your body has its own shape, proportions, curves, lines and character.
That’s what I want to photograph.
When I work with a woman in my Manchester studio, I’m not trying to turn her into someone else.
I’m looking at her.
Her face.
Her expression.
The shape of her body.
The way she moves.
The things that make her distinctive.
And then I use posing, lighting, styling and careful direction to create photographs that show her at her absolute best. That’s very different from simply asking you to stand in front of a camera and “be confident.”
Boudoir photography isn’t just for a particular type of woman
There is still a strange idea that boudoir photography is something you do when you’re young, slim and conventionally beautiful. I don’t believe that for a second.
I’ve photographed women in their 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s.
Women who are naturally slim.
Women with curves.
Women who have had children.
Women who have lost weight.
Women who have gained weight.
Women with scars.
Women going through enormous changes in their lives.
Women who haven’t had professional photographs taken of themselves in years.
And women who would normally run a mile from a camera.
They don’t need to become somebody else for their photographs.
They just need to be themselves, and trust me to photograph them beautifully.
You don’t have to love every part of your body
This is something I think is important to say.
I’m not going to tell you that you need to wake up tomorrow morning and love every inch of yourself. Realistically, most of us don’t. Body confidence doesn’t necessarily mean looking in the mirror and thinking “I absolutely adore everything about myself.” Sometimes it’s much simpler than that. Sometimes it’s being able to say:
This is my body. This is where I am right now.
You don’t have to wait until you’ve lost weight.
You don’t have to wait until you’ve toned up.
You don’t have to wait until your children are older.
You don’t have to wait until your skin is perfect.
You don’t have to wait until you feel “worthy” of beautiful photographs.
You are already here.
The photograph can change the way you see yourself
One of my favourite things about portrait photography is that we are so used to seeing ourselves from one particular perspective.
The mirror.
The bathroom mirror.
The selfie camera.
The unflattering photograph someone took when you weren’t expecting it.
We become incredibly familiar with our perceived flaws.
But a professional photograph can show you something completely different.
The curve of your shoulder.
The expression in your eyes.
The shape of your body.
The way light falls across your skin.
The strength in your posture.
The femininity in the way you move.
And sometimes, for the first time in a long time, you look at a photograph and think:
“Oh. Is that actually me?”
Yes.
It is.
Stop waiting to become someone else If there’s one thing I’d love women to take away from a boudoir experience, it’s this:
Stop comparing your body to somebody else’s.
Stop comparing your 50-year-old body to your 25-year-old body.
Stop comparing your real body to photographs on Instagram.
Stop looking at another woman’s curves and wishing they were yours.
Stop thinking you need to lose another half a stone before you book the shoot.
Stop putting photographs of yourself on the “one day” list.
Because one day, you will look back at photographs of yourself now and realise something rather wonderful:
You were beautiful then too.
You just couldn’t see it.
And perhaps that’s one of the most valuable things a boudoir photoshoot can give you.
Not a different body.
Not somebody else’s body.
A different way of seeing your own.
At Belle Privé, I create private, beautifully styled boudoir and fine-art portrait experiences for women in my studio. My approach is sensual, sophisticated and entirely focused on you - not on following a particular body type or trying to make you look like somebody else. You don’t need to know how to pose, and you don’t need to feel confident in front of the camera. That’s my job. You simply need to turn up as you are.
